Super Eco

Photo credit: Dominic's Pics, Flickr

I’m not naming names, but I know a guy who won’t wipe his, er, tenders unless his Paul Bunyan-sized man paws are mummy wrapped in at least six layers of toilet paper. That's some extreme—and extremely wasteful—CYA germ control. All this after he carefully positions a cushy TP nest in the toilet, a safety net for, um, other things. Tsk, tsk! Mother Nature would disapprove, even if she did call.

Yeah, yeah. I’ve nagged you about reckless TP habits before. But never quite like this. So go ahead and balk—or gag—at my latest suggestion for greenwashing your hindquarters, but you've got to “hand” it to me for going where no other grogger (green blogger?) has gone before.

Ready? Here she blows: Just DIY. Skip the toilet paper altogether and go comm-hando!

Be like billions of brave souls around the world (India, the Middle East, the campground) and wipe with, yes, YOUR HAND, preferably the left one. Naturally, this is a last resort proposition, aimed at hardcore greenies willing to go the extra personal, extra sustainable mile to save the planet. Hey, survivalist Bear Grylls handles his waste stream (when he's not hot-tubbing at swanky resorts between takes).

Unfortunately, this brazen brand of hands-on cleanup requires more water (and effort) than flushable TP. Then there are the inevitable gobs of heavy-duty anti-bacterial hand sanitizers and soaps, most of which pack their own eco-drawbacks. Be sure to skip cleansers that contain triclosan, a potentially cancerous, hormone-meddling additive. Who knew Purell was so darn impure? Load up instead on CleanWell, a nontoxic, biodegradable germ-killer.

Already handling your business? Sure, I'm proud of you. But let's skip the high-five on this one, okay? Or, if you just can't swallow the handy wipe approach, but still want to taper your TP consumption, lean back and let this freaky toilet do the dirty work for you.