Super Eco

Photo credit: Beth-Harper, flickr

Getting caught with a running hose in your hand nowadays is almost as embarrassing as getting busted scarfing drive-thru McJunk. Or not recycling, or buying plastic anything, or driving to the corner store ... and the green 'shame spiral'* swirls on.

Quaff and quaff alone. Doing anything with water other than pouring it down our throats is (sometimes) a crime, in certain states more than others.

So what are we backyard gardeners, perhaps the thirstiest H20 guzzlers in the neighborhood, to do?

Plenty, actually, starting with retaining water (in a good way) and ending with blowing off your seedlings when they're finally ready to cut the cord, or should I say hose?

So, here it is. Your 10-step guide to becoming a water-wise garden greenie:

1. Retain water … by piling on the mulch. A three- to six-inch layer of organic moisture-retaining mulch keeps weeds down and continually hydrates plants. Coffee drinker? Toss old grounds into the mix. Here's how. Grass clippings and leaves do the trick, too.
2. Roll out the green carpet. Installing a non-toxic landscape fabric (aka weed barrier) beneath your mulch cushion will further starve thirsty weeds and lock-in moisture where it belongs.
3. Irrigate wisely. Why not install an H20- and energy-efficient automatic irrigation system? Set-it-and-forget-it with a web-based, weather-sensing "garden from orbit" satellite thingamabob.
4. Suck up excess water … by adding porous paving materials to backyard patios and garden walkways. Decomposed granite, gravel and brick all trap water in the garden, not in the gutter.
5. Hold off on the makeover. Redesigning your garden in the summer, the hottest, driest time of year, is a big waterwise no, no. A major overhaul requires gallons more water. Besides, your existing plants have likely already adapted to low-water conditions ... because you've been such a diligent, watertight greenie, right?
6. Drop the hose ... and put your soggy hands up where I can see them! Using an old-fashioned watering can when caring for potted plants saves water, reduces spillage and battles Battered Plant Syndrome. Yes, I made that up. You can stop Google-ing BPS for real now.
7. Be a good plant parent. Plants that are properly fed, snuggled and watered tend to talk back less and demand less liquid and solid (fertilizer) nourishment. That's not to say they won't still abuse your nighttime and weekend minutes or fry your Wii if given the chance. Remember, when you lovingly weed them, prune them, and keep bad influences (insects and pests) at bay, your spoiled seedlings should act out (binge drink?) fewer times a month. Just don't expect them to thank you until decades later, when they have their own seedlings and finally know what it's like. Ahem, moving on ...
   
8. Just stop runoff! When you see miniature oceans pooling in the nooks and crannies of your garden, it means it was time to stop watering a few minutes (hopefully not hours!) ago. Eyeball it. Use common sense and quit watering before the soil looks like it's gasping for a Baywatch rescue scene. This jingle should help: "Water deep, once a week."
   
9. Save raindrops by the barrel. Rain?! What's that?! Obviously this won't do for those of us in the midst of a historically dire drought (California). But anyone who still remembers what drizzle feels like (lucky!) can set out backyard buckets and barrels to catch garden water. Please send some my way. Isn't there some rain dance I can do? Also, dump any leftover drinking water and dishwater in your parched garden, not down the kitchen sink. Tsk, tsk.
   
10. Xeriscape. Sorry, it's just another green gardening technique, not a nifty new iPhone app. If there were an "app for that" water problem, I'd already have it. Instead, I touch low- to no-maintenance xeriscape plants that don't ask for much, not even a sip, at least once they're over that cloyingly co-dependent honeymoon phase. If only relationships described on Facebook as "It's Complicated" were so easy.

Hey, didn't I just nag you about Bogart-ing the world's water supply yesterday?

*"Shame Spiral" is a term of endearment that Babble "News Junkie" writer and SuperEco contributor Madeline Holler came up with. Thanks, Madeline!